Excellent Student "Reflective" Response Essay Example

Below, you will find an excellent example of a "reflective" response essay. The student has essentially applied Geertz to a recent event involving Michael Vick, who was convicted of dog fighting. The essay succeeds on many levels. First, the author takes a risk in form, almost imitating Geertz, by mixing narrative and analysis. While the piece may be accessible, it rarely if ever slips into a colloquial tone without purpose. In other words, even though the piece may seem "colloquial," the piece reflects the control of the author.

Americans Unable to Ignore Animal Cruelty

A Response to Clifford Geertz

            In April 2007 Michael Vick was indicted with felony charges for operating a dog-fighting venture. At the time I was a junior in high school watching in amazement as controversy erupted in Atlanta. As a child in Central Florida I learned from my family, friends, and community that animal cruelty is immoral. When the news broke that Michael Vick had taken part in the drowning, hanging, and electrocuting of dogs, my immediate environment howled with outrage and disgust. I assumed that everyone in the country shared these views excluding the very few that were committing these atrocious crimes.  After watching ESPN’s “Town Hall Meeting” I realized that my beliefs were not as widespread as I had previously believed. The meeting was a racially charged disaster that drove one blogger to write, “ESPN reminds you, black and white people hate each other.” The argument: the white media and government were punishing Michael Vick for his “black culture”, which included dog fighting. Back then I scoffed at the idea that animal cruelty could be used as cultural expression. Today, I have to pause and think. In the essay, “Deep Play: Notes on the Balinese Cockfight”, Geertz examines how cockfighting reflects the Balinese culture and way of life.

            Clifford Geertz and his wife visited a Balinese village where they were, “invisible men.” The village ignored them and refused to acknowledge their presence. One day the couple joined the village in running from police after a cockfight and hid out in a local couples’ home. After this event the couple received acceptance from the entire village. The Balinese villagers were tickled by the Americans running from the police, and enjoyed listening to the story. Through this acceptance Geertz was able to start learning about how important cockfights were within Balinese culture. Balinese men have a, “deep psychological identification” with their cocks and the, “double entendre is deliberate.” The Balinese men spend enormous amounts of time with their cocks, feeding them, grooming them, or, “just gazing at them with a mixture of rapt admiration and dreamy self-absorption.” Animal-like behavior is considered repulsive and babies are not allowed to crawl. In the cockfights this, “animality,” and men meet and battle in a, “bloody drama of hatred, cruelty, violence, and death.” Geertz then shifts his essay to the rules and standard practices of cockfights. Cockfights are held in a ring and begin late in the afternoon and usually 10 fights comprise a program called a, “sehet.” The rules of cockfighting are written on palm-leaf manuscripts and have been passed down over the generations. Handlers tend to the cocks during the fight and will even resuscitate the bird. The umpire has absolute authority and Geertz never witnesses any villager complain or question an umpire’s judgment. Betting is also a very large part of the cockfights and can get very complicated. Geertz learns that the village always supports the local cock just as an American town supports the local football team. The cockfight embodies the culture, social networks, and rituals of Balinese life.

           

            Geertz invites his audience into the Balinese world hoping we will take advantage of the easy access he has provided for us. Although Geertz successfully creates metaphors in which to help the audience identify with the Balinese Villagers he ultimately failed to connect me with his impassioned take on cockfighting. His failure results from his lack to realize that I, as an American, must first overcome my disgust for animal cruelty before I can begin to understand the depth of culture and meaning in Balinese cockfighting. The Michael Vick saga proves Americans and myself struggle to overcome this animal cruelty barrier, which is crucial to opening our minds and understanding the Balinese. "Everybody always told me all I had to do was go play football and be successful on the field and everyone will forget what I've done," said Vick. "I don't find that to be true." American minds trapped by this barrier will remain closed to any further interpretation of what they deem to be a vulgar act.

            While reading “Deep Play” I realized that I am the tourist and Geertz is my guide. I ride along blindly on my tour bus and trust every word Geertz speaks into the intercom.  He takes me along his practiced route so that I will experience Bali the way he has designed for me.  Cockfighting is strange and exotic so Geertz tries to put it in a way I can understand. He describes villages going to, “away games,” where they root for their local cock. I easily relate this to the Atlanta Falcons fans and how they travel around the country to support their star quarterback. The cock and the quarterback both bring communities together and stir in them a want for excitement and victory. As the villagers will not remember the amount of money won in a cockfight neither will the Falcons fans remember the score of the game. It is the moments of nail biting excitement and victory that both communities will cherish for years. They are eager to return home with bragging rights, celebrating their champions.

            I raise my hand and ask Tour Guide Geertz what happens to the cock if it loses? Geertz responds that in order to lose the cock must die and then he begins to explain the rules in a matter of fact tone. I immediately focus on the finality of death. This is no longer in the realms of football; this is a matter of animal cruelty and life. I envision blood spraying, feathers flying, and roosters screaming as their flesh are torn to shreds. As my face contorts due to the disturbing images, Tour Guide Geertz speaks into the intercom, “ and if you look to your right you will see my landlord with his t-shirt that reads, I am cock crazy!” Not once does Geertz take it into consideration that his audience is undergoing culture shock and I have started planning an escape.

            In order to push the American Audience and myself over the animal cruelty barrier, Geertz should include all of the gory details of a cockfight. We Americans are hypocrites and will succumb to the temptations of the cockfight just as Geertz and the Balinese do. We are drawn to the dramatics and a battle to the death will make us salivate. Even though we may not change our view of it being wrong, our excitement and temptation will allow us to empathize with the Balinese and therefore overcome our animal cruelty barrier.

           

            While Geertz is effective in providing ways for his audience to relate to the Balinese, asking Americans and myself to simply overlook our revulsion to animal cruelty is unrealistic and ineffective. Due to this barrier I cannot view cockfighting as anything more than a disgusting practice performed by a people too alien to understand. Therefore I cannot grasp nor connect with the impassioned Geertz on cockfighting in the Balinese culture.

Summary Comments of Summary Analysis

Ok class, so I just spent most of my afternoon grading your summary/analysis. There are a few things we need to  think about.

Grade Reporting

First--and I will send an email about this/talk about it in class: PLEASE review your papers that I have attached to in the place of assignments and not just check your grade. Go into Sakai, Assignments, click on the relevant assignment, toward the bottom you will find a document that says "Blah blah Summary Analysis."

Second, if you look at most of your grade sheets (yes, I did use the sheets that I have you in class--scroll down to the bottom of your document), you will see that most of you are doing fine with the lower half, but the upper half we have some issues. This means that we need to work on paragraph structure, development, transitions, argument, and thesis. I frequently could not tell what the thesis of any of your papers was--what you were arguing. Even if you did have a thesis, sometimes the points you say you will address are out of order or part of a paragraph would go better with another paragraph, etc. etc. These are the issues I want peer review to focus on--we can all use Microsoft Word Grammar check to eliminate grammatical errors. I want you all in peer review to write on someone's paper "I don't get what you are saying here" or something to that effect (you will notice I have said that on some of your papers).

Argument

More than anything, you analyses frequently did not seem to make an argument about Geertz's piece, but contained more of an 'expanded' summary of the first summary. This makes the paragraphs read as summaries of each of Geertz's movements rather than your structuring of an argument. This is not easy to do, I know, but its necessary for you to be able to sort of re-piece together Geertz rather than just following his own argument.

As far as arguments go, I remember a few. 

1.) Geertz's analysis of the Balinese culture is incomplete due to his explicit exclusion of women. 

2.) Geertz's combination of narrative and in depth description may isolate either anthropologists (wishing for something more professional) or the general reader (due to the extensive analysis toward the middle and end of the essay). 

3.) Geertz's treatment of the cocks reflects an unconcern for animal welfare. 


However, I would say that the majority of you would say things about emotional, logical, and credible appeals, but without adequate support, detail, or framing such that most of your argument consisted in paraphrasing Geertz's own argument about the connection between society and the cockfight.


Citation and References

That said, many of you referenced the text itself with quotations--which was good. A comment on citations (which we will review when we get to bibliographies):

• When you cite just one text and do not have to worry about "citation style" I want you to cite page numbers for each reference you make. The proper position of an in-text citation is after the end of the sentence, but before the punctuation mark. So your quotation should look like this: 

"Before the cockfight commences bets are made depending whether it is a “deep” fight or a “shallow” fight (70). 

Not this (although I'm happy that some of you put page numbers in at all): 

Before the cockfight commences bets are made depending whether it is a “deep” (70) fight or a “shallow” (70) fight. 

That is just academic convention--I didn't punish any of you for that grade-wise. 

Related to citing, when you cite just one word, particularly if its a key word like "deep," you want to contextualize it. That is, you should explain what Geertz means by "deep play"--where he got the concept, etc. Some of you did, some of you did not. 

Sentence Structure

Some of you need to think about varying sentence structure/combining sentences in order to make more complex sentences. This will create rhythm in the prose that is more pleasant to read. 

The Good

There were of course good things about your papers. I rarely saw typos or grammatical errors. Rather, the concern was with clarity of style: eliminating unnecessary passive voice, eliminating unnecessary words by employing more powerful verbs, varying sentence structure and length. Furthermore, I could see that a lot of you put in effort to understand what Geertz was trying to say, which is good. This is not a simple and short article. 

Anyway, I hope these general comments about the class are helpful to the class as a whole. Individual issues should be taken up with me in office hours by appointment. 

Response to Summary's of OWS article

I'd like to start with a question: Does the summary have to start with the introduction and follow the article linearly?

I would say not necessarily. Furthermore, summaries are really hard to sustain without moving into "interpretation" mode. I think most of you did a great job giving equal attention to about 3 main parts of the argument (most of you, in fact, divided up your response in 3 sections).

The first regarded the introduction, which pointed out the current status of occupy wall street as something that has become less interesting as we have begun to "understand" what the movement "is."

Many of you mentioned the analogy of the reality tv show and some of you defined and honed in on reification. The idea that Occupy has become a "thing" and that it can be defined is the main problem for Fitzgerald (most of you pointed this out).

Most of you decided to cite the difference between "it" and "us" and some of you cited or paraphrased Fitzgerald's idea that we need to understand Occupy Wall Street as a claim rather than a "thing" that can be easily defined. This is a main point of the argument.

All in all, I was happy with the summaries. I think that we need to keep in mind that while a decent summary can be written on the fly, it usually comes with several revisions, combining sentences and thoughts in order to make it as concise as possible. This will be especially important when you condense Geertz (30 pgs give or take) to a mere 300 words!! Sometimes it might be useful to write a rough sketch that is WAAAAY too long and then combine and condense afterwards. I know this is more work, but, trust me, it frequently pays off.

Summary/Analysis Response Writing Prezi

Strong Response Writing on Prezi

Summary/Analysis Kanye West Example

Great Student Example of Summary/Analysis

Summary/Analysis of Kanye West’s “Power”

            Rapper Kanye West, well-known for his cleverly-constructed yet controversial song lyrics and videos, compares his rise in the music industry to the rise to the superiority of Greek gods in his video “Power”. In this one minute and forty-three second video, a stern and omnipotent West plays the role of a Greek god as a number of subordinate Athenian characters slowly and gracefully move around him. West, who gradually marches forward in front of the open gates of heaven, exerts dominance and resilience even in the growing presence of these characters, which symbolize what he calls “the cruel world”. In both the lyrics and video, Kanye West reminds critics that his rise to the elite as a rapper has given him such power and responsibility that no one can knock him off his pedestal except for power itself.

Through his body language, Kanye West captures the role and journey he has taken as a song artist. He embodies a tough-as-nails persona through his piercing eyes and bull-like charge in his walk. As West steps forward, he encounters a growing crowd of Athenian figures, most of which are females portrayed as sex symbols. West’s forward walk signifies his ascending toward the pinnacle of his music career. The encounter of the female characters as well as the two male characters that leap in the air and draw their swords refer to the distractions that West himself inevitably faces in his career: women in search of fame, sex, or money; criticism from the media; and feuds with other artists. Just as notable is the placement of the female figures that resemble runway models; West deliberately positions these Athenian female characters below him to indicate that women are inferior to him. Throughout the entire video, West stares straight ahead

at the viewer, paying no attention to the characters surrounding him; by doing so, West insinuates that his focus is on his career and that he will not let anyone keep him from attaining and maintaining success in the music industry.

In addition to body language, Kanye West’s choice of words to describe himself and to address his critics highlights his egocentric personality. West admits that he “embodies every characteristic of the egotistic,” and in the chorus, he refers to himself as a “21^st century schizoid man.” Schizoid, according to the Cleveland Clinic, is a type of personality disorder characterized by aloofness and detachment from others, little desire or enjoyment for close relationships, “difficulty relating to others, indifference towards praise or criticism, and daydreams or vivid fantasies about complex inner lives.” These characteristics may well describe Kanye West, but it is the deliberate insertion of the phrases “embodies every characteristic of the egotistic” and “21^st century schizoid man” that one realizes that West is fully aware of his arrogant, self-centered personality. This awareness empowers him to ward off any form of criticism hurled at him.

 In the music business, great power draws greater scrutiny from the media and the public. As Kanye West points out in his lyrics, many of his critics believe that West is an “abomination of Obama’s nation” or a hated figure in present-day American society.  While such a comment may have at first offended West, West simply shrugs it off and reminds critics that “at the end of the day goddamn it he is killin’ [it]/[he] knows damn well [his critics and supporters] are feelin’ [it].” In other words, despite people’s abhorrence toward him, he continues to excel in both album sales and song charts. His music still resonates with people, and based on his prolonged success in record sales and on billboard charts, people continue to value his music, which is what matters to him most.                                                                                                                       

Finally, in an unexpected turn of events, Kanye West adds a suicidal element to the end of the song when he reiterates that he is “jumping out the window [and] letting everything go”. While West accepts and embraces the power that he has gained through his success as a music artist, West knows that he is vulnerable to the added pressure and scrutiny that comes with power. This overwhelming pressure can eventually lead to the demise of the powerful, but West sees this tragedy as a “beautiful death”. In this paradox, West suggests that there is beauty in the reassuring fact that by achieving success in his career, he has obtained the freedom and power to rid himself of everything he has gained. One may question why West would want to purge himself of his accomplishments. In response, West implies that he is only human and that one can only take so much pressure before he or she can no longer handle the demands of the media and the public, thus leading the almighty to dispose his or her power.

In the video “Power,” Kanye West appears not as a human being but as a god; a force that shows no sign of slowing down or losing strength, but beneath his tough exterior lays this vulnerability that feeds on growing power. As shown in his dominant stride, West, infamous for his detached, self-absorbed personality, embraces his egotism in order to protect himself from those figures—women, critics, foes--that take advantage of him or that wish to see him fail. In the lyrics, West considers himself “chosen” in a “white man’s world”, given the adversities that those particularly in the black community are going through such as poverty, education, and incarceration, and yet he still struggles with his own hardships, including taking on adult responsibilities as a prominent musical figure in society. For West, “reality is catching up with [him] taking [his] inner child [while he is] fighting for custody,” his “inner child” being that comfort zone that allows him to use his imagination and to engage in complex and creative thinking. This obstacle suggests that while Kanye West’s critics are not a major threat to his power, he, however, is.